


Poems and Short Stories From the Black Hole in my Mind and Soul

by JemBane



Category: Greek Mythology, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hospitals, I'll tag as I go, Medication, Multi, New Poetry Book, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Poetry, Rape mentioned but literally just the word, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, controversial topics mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-10 03:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15282603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemBane/pseuds/JemBane
Summary: A book of poems that I thought were too good to pass up.





	1. Wanderer

**Author's Note:**

> This first poem mentions topics that I find terrible, it's hidden away in there but if you see it don't leave hate. I'm not going to change my views because someone on the internet told me to so save your anger and energy. 
> 
>  
> 
> With that said I hope you enjoy this, it came from some part of my soul that hasn't spoken to me in a while and I hope you love it as much as I do.

You used to be a goddess. 

 

Some days you forget that fact. You remember your fall, sure, but you forget that you fell from the highest power in the cosmos. 

 

You remember it in your dreams, however. You remember it in the way you take control in class projects. You remember it in the quiet moments when you watch the sun rise or set. 

 

You remember how it felt to change at will, you could swim with the mermaids or fly with the ravens. 

 

Why did you ever choose humanity, why did you ever choose to live in this realm of liars, cheaters, thieves, and abusers?  Why did you decide that the smog in the air was better for your now fragile body and mind? Why did you decide that the harsh words of opposers and the cold eyes of ex-lovers were preferred to the sweet wine of the divine on your lips? 

 

You chose heartbreak and hard work over sacrifices and offerings, you chose struggles and hardships over lazy days in the height of comfort. Why, how could you ever leave the perfection of your home for the first five thousand years of your life. 

 

You wonder this as you lay across the hard mattress in your bedroom. The bedroom is the only room in this tiny apartment that you can barely afford. You lay there and remember the palace that had been built in your honor. 

 

Your father is angry with you. He thinks you left for the girl with the lips like fresh cherries, the eyes like emeralds and the laugh like sin. You remember her with a fondness, but no father, she’s not why I left, I had her before I fell, remember? She was a thousand years dead and gone before I left.

 

The twenty-first century is full of surprises. The twenty-first century is a waste, with all of the information of ancient times, they still refuse. They refuse to build buildings that were proven to hold against the anger of Zeus’ storm. They print art to hang, from machines that can think for them, instead of creating their own. The people are still violent, there is still rape, and war, and greed. Some days it’s enough to make you want to rip your heart clean out of your chest the way children are ripped from their parent’s arms. 

 

The twenty-first century is a triumph. People are building these awe striking devices. These little pieces of machinery that will outlive their inventors, that will pass the information to the next generation, and the next, and the next.

 

You watch people fall in love with artists that used to pray to you to inspire them to create something,  _ anything _ , just so they may be fortunate enough to eat the next week. 

 

You smile as you walk past a girl who is raving on and on about what she would do if given the chance to meet Van Gogh. 

 

You watch children do the dumbest things, then remember your brother, who is still a god, whose light burns as bright as the morning star, dueled your cousin for the attention of a woman who loved neither of them and you think maybe you know where humanity learned their impulses and maybe these children aren’t to blame.

 

You watch these children become braver than the heroes of Greece. You watch as they take control of their own lives and scream  _ never again  _ until both their eyes and throats are a brilliant red and you know Artemis is right next to these children, supporting their fight and keeping them strong when they feel the world fall around them.

 

Your mother is furious, thinking you left for the boy with brown eyes and a silver tongue, the one who managed to give a goddess the heartbreak you were supposed to be immune to. Or the boy with the eyes that shined more than the clearest waters. The one who made you laugh until you forgot what tears were. But no, they had no part of your choice. 

 

You were a goddess, you were divine and loved and the world was what you made it in a literal perspective. What did you do? Why would you choose to live in a world where you had no say in any aspect. 

 

You figure it out one night as you watch your sister paint the moon and stars into the sky. You remember as your brother makes the days warm after a harsh winter. 

 

Humanity is much more real. They lose themselves in the concept of faith, of love. To each their own god and sexuality and beliefs.    
  


You left because of love, yes, you’ll admit that is true. 

 

But it wasn’t for the girl with the quick wit, it was never the girl with the words like sin, the boy with the doe-like eyes, even the boy who made you feel immortal again. 

 

You fell in love with the reality of human nature. You’re a wanderer, you were born roaming the cosmos, swimming with the mermaids into the deepest unknown parts of the sea. You learned the secrets of creation before you were old enough to speak, you know of the beginning, you know how it will end. You have all of the knowledge of earth, where the end of the universe is, and somehow it was never enough. 

 

You lived for so long without knowing how the first warm day after winter felt so pure. You lived without the feeling of a paintbrush between your fingers and paint covering you more so than your canvas. You existed, you realized one night as you waited for cousin Hypnos to bless you with the same sweet dreams he did when you were a child, you existed with no purpose. 

You are a wanderer, you crave to always know, learn, feel, more and more. As much as you can in this entirely new life. Because not even Olympus can give you the same rush of life as climbing into bed next to the love of your life night after night. Selling a painting you did without the help of the muses gives you a swell of pride you didn’t know was possible. 

 

And as you look at the picture, at the proof that you have once again created life, you know you made the right choice. 

 

You’re still a goddess, you know as you watch your little girl run around, chasing after a flower floating along with the breeze. 

 

Even without the easy flow of magic through your body, even without the ability to sail through space and time, through the different places of reality, even though the mermaids no longer speak to you. 

 

You know that in your own right you are as much divine today as the day you were born. The power didn’t make you who you are. 

 

You were born to wander, and as you live this human life, going towards your cousin Thanatos and judgment from your Aunt and Uncle, you are still a goddess. 

 

You were born to wander, and this is the last place to wander, there is nothing greater than the human experience, at least not to you. 

 

You are the goddess of experience and curiosity. 

 

When you die the world will be just fine. 

 

People have mastered everything you represented. 

 

You’re still a goddess, with every triumph and challenge, you see the young girls and boys and the ones who fall into neither group take your message and carry it for you. You see these children create new forms of art and new ways to explore. You wonder if you should tell your family the world no longer needs them.

 

You see a new generation of gods and goddesses and know everything will be just fine. 

 

You can be human, and live in peace and curiosity until your final breath.  

 

But until you pass on?

 

You may continue to wander.


	2. Daniel and Felix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short story that came from me misinterpreting a tumblr prompt.

__

“I don’t want to.” Daniel whimpered, “I don’t want to, Lexi.”

“Come on baby, please, just open your eyes for me.”

The two boys were sat facing each other, Felix sitting on his knees and Daniel criss-cross. Felix had one hand holding himself up and the other loosely tangled in Daniel’s hair.   
“If I open my eyes you’ll be gone and I can’t I don’t want this to be another dream,” Daniel whispered.   
“Dani, baby, please I’m right here,”  Felix mumbled quietly, breath ticking the older boy’s lips temptingly.

The thumb that ran over Daniel’s cheek felt too real for this to be a dream, maybe this time it’d be real. Maybe this time he wouldn’t wake up alone in his room.

“I love you, Daniel, I kissed _you_ remember? I’m not going anywhere.” Felix pressed his lips to Daniel’s cheek.

Daniel opened his eyes, he wasn’t even surprised when he saw his ceiling.  After all the dream always ended with him in bed, cold and alone.

~*~

“Dude, your crush is getting out of control,” Ryn said, taking a long drink from her ice coffee.

“You don’t think I realize that?” Daniel said, slamming his locker door.

Ryn handed her friend the rest of her ice coffee, which he accepted gratefully.

“It's just… fuck Ryn this is just some bullshit. He’s like…”

“Our third Musketeer, I know. You two are so close he says ‘I love you’ almost as frequently as he blinks.” Ryn wrapped an arm around his shoulders, briefly running her fingers through his dirty blond hair.

“I just… don’t want to--”

“Sacrifice the friendship, I know you’ve said this like… every day since the seventh grade. We’re juniors.”

Daniel groaned, “I just wish I could be into someone else ya know? Like why do I have to be madly in love with the person who’d rather skydive off Mount Everest than go out on a date? It’s bad enough knowing that Felix will never love me like I love him. But I can’t even move on because I love him that much.” He said, loosely tugging at the _‘brothers’_ bracelet on his wrist that Felix had gotten him.  

“You are an idiot, like… one you can’t skydive off of a mountain, and really do you think Felix would end the friendship over some emotions, some chemicals in your brain?” Ryn shook her head. “Can we go to class now? It’s review day in Mr. Miles class, which means we get candy.”

~*~

Daniel had always heard that opposites attract, and you can’t help who you fall in love with, for better or for worse you fell in love with the person you are in love with for a reason. But Daniel pretty much felt like the reason he was in love with his best friend so the universe could remind him that you don’t always get what you want in life.

His mom told him he was in love with Felix because of how open Felix was because he was authentic and real and Danny knew that you couldn’t find that everywhere.

His dad said he was just confused, not about being gay, his dad fully supported his sexuality. He just figured that they were so close that he just mixed up the way you love a brother with the way you love a lover.

If you asked one of the assholes at school they’d say it was because they both were little girls and stuck together because no one else would ever love them. Too feminine and freakish to get anyone else’s attention.

If you asked a random adult about one high schooler being completely in love with their best friend the adult would reply that the friends are just children and children that age only know lust, not love.

Daniel would reply that he’s never once thought about Felix sexually. And then maybe he would backtrack that statement, but reply that he thinks about Felix so much differently than others might expect a seventeen-year-old boy might think about the person they want to be with.

Daniel would cross his arms, looking down at the ground and mumble shyly about how  his favorite sound is when Felix laughs, most specifically when Felix isn’t expecting to laugh and his eyes widen and his cheeks turn pink and the sound quietly flows from his lips in the most delicious way, before blossoming into a beautiful, melodic sound. The corners of Daniel’s lips would slowly turn upward as he started talking about the freckles that spanned from cheek to cheek, dancing across the bridge of his nose, decorating the olive toned skin. And how Felix’s voice was so soft, like a little songbird, and how he could listen to it for hours.

After he realized he had gone on a rant about his best friend, the random adult would smile, and gently squeeze his shoulder and tell him the story of their own first love, completely disregarding their original statement because this boy knew what love was.

Deep in Daniel’s heart and soul, he exactly why he was lucky enough to love Felix.

Felix was the least judgemental person in the world, he was more than happy to help Daniel prepare for his audition for the school musical, or just pass a baseball back and forwards while trying to memorize all of the scientists that’ll be on their next Chem test.

Felix had the most intelligent eyes. People often assumed that he was dumb due to the ADHD and his childlike excitement and wonder, but Felix could easily understand things like poetry and maths that confused the teachers sometimes. He was quick to understand science lessons and was even quicker to learn the new band arrangements that the teacher handed out at least twice a month.

Felix was the best person in the world, at least to Daniel. And if nothing else Daniel could be happy if the one thing he was put on Earth to do was love Felix, he would spend all his time doing just that.

~*~

“Come on, we need to get to the top,” Felix said giggling like a little girl at an American Girl Doll shop.

Ryn rolled her eyes. “Why are we climbing to up to your roof?”

The three were currently vertically climbing up the back of  Felix’s three-story house. Felix had arrived at school that morning, jumping around and saying that Ryn and Daniel absolutely had to spend the night, and you’ll see why later.

“Because you’ll see, all good things come to those who follow their most amazing friend,” Felix said, grinning like a madman.

“I don’t think that’s the quote Lexi,” Daniel shouted up to the other boy. Not bothering to even question Felix’s intentions. He was curious, sure, but Felix’s excitement took away room for any thoughts not centered around the younger boy. And if he was being honest with himself, he’d follow Felix into an active volcano if the green-eyed boy asked him to. So Daniel climbed, smiling a silent thank you when he reached the top and Felix took his hand to help him onto the roof.

Ryn took a look around once the three were to the top. “Wow, we’re on a roof in a gated community, the rebelliousness,” she sighed. “Isaac wanted to take me to the drive-in, and you stole that from me, you better have a _great_ excuse for that. Like once in a lifetime experience.”

Felix didn’t say anything, for a long time, and Ryn started to feel bad when she saw Felix’s smile slowly slip away.

“I just… the sunset is really pretty from here and I… I wanted to share it with my two favorite people.” He bit his bottom lip smiling timidly. “I’m sorry if I wasted your time, I’m sure if you call him he could pick you up. Hey, I can even ask my mom could even drive you over to meet up with him if he can’t come to get you. The movie doesn’t start until eight tonight.”

Ryn shook her head, walking over and wrapping her arms around Felix, “I was just teasing buddy, I’m sorry. Plus, who needs a movie with some jock anyway, I was just looking for a way to get a free pass to the soccer games.”

Felix hugged his friend back, “Oooh, we should get the season pass. All those boys are so nice to look at.” He giggled.

“Would you want to take any of them out?” Daniel asked, a light teasing tone to his voice.

Felix made a face, “Not at all. I know as much about soccer as I do about molecular physics, and my interest in learning about either is zero. I just want to… appreciate the game, every little _asspect_ if you know what I mean.”

Ryn shook her head. “You’re a dweeb, didn’t you get the football pass to gawk at the cheerleaders?”

“Yes and no, I wanted to-” Felix looked up. “Oooh, guys it’s starting, come on the view is best over here!”

~*~

The three decided just to camp on the roof for the night. Ryn was asleep, using the bag the brought up to carry the blankets as a pillow.

Felix's head was rested against Daniel’s collarbone, Daniel’s arm loosely around the other boy’s waist.

Felix would be the death of him, he accepted quietly in the back of his mind. His heart would grow too full of his love for the other boy and poof, no more Dani. At least before his heart blew up he would get to cuddle with the sweetest boy in the world.

“What were you going to say? Earlier when we were talking about the games.” Daniel asked when the silence got to be too much.   
Felix hummed softly, his eyes were closed but Daniel saw his brows twitch with thought. “Oh, I wanted to go out for cheerleading, decided against it though.”

“Why’s that?” Daniel asked softly.

“Didn’t need the shit from my dad.” He admitted. “Even though cheerleading is just a sport and literally has nothing to do with my sexuality, he had a… let’s say he had a moment about it.”

If the arm around Felix’s waist tightened, neither made mention of the fact.

“You’d be the best cheerleader on the team, you know that?” Daniel whispered to Felix like it was a secret that someone might overhear, despite the fact the only other person on the roof was fast asleep. “You would be absolutely perfect, and if your dad has something to say about that, remind him that the fifties have been over for quite some time now.”

That earned a quiet giggle from Felix, and suddenly Daniel was looking into the most beautiful green eyes on earth. “You’re the best Dani. I might do it, senior year and all.”

“No problem Lexi.” He said quietly. “Now, you look like you haven’t slept in days.”

“I _haven’t_ slept in days.”

“Then sleep, now,” Daniel said, fingers coming up to play with his friend’s dark curls. “You can keep me as a pillow if you promise not to drool.”

~*~

“You two l i t e r a l l y spent the night tangled in each other’s arms,” Ryn said quietly. “It makes sense that you had the dream again. But also, you spent the entire night tangled in each other’s loving embrace, and he _started_ it. I’m telling you that he’s into you.”

Mrs. Tudor’s class was not the place to be having this conversation, but Ryn was not letting it go.

“God… Nesryn Lewis, I am done with this conversation, forever I don’t… I don’t care if _you_ think he likes me. We’ve slept in the same bed since we were twelve it means absolutely nothing. I regret telling you in the first place now stop before we get in trouble for talking.”

Ryn rolled her eyes, her boys, and their dramatics.

Daniel pulled the collar of his jacket closer to himself, trying, but failing, to hide from the world.

Maybe if he were more athletic Felix would notice him. He was pretty feminine, he admitted in his head, unashamed, just acknowledging the fact. He liked his earrings, the polish coating his nails, the couple of rings he wore daily.

Maybe Felix just wanted someone more masculine. The conversation they’d had earlier in the week about the soccer boys. Maybe he just wasn’t Felix’s type, Daniel reasoned in his mind.

_Of course, you’re not Felix’s type,_ came a voice from the back of his mind. _Felix is beautiful, creative, what are you? A pathetic little boy who’s pouting because an actual angel doesn’t like you._

The voice got louder until Daniel was covering his ears, mumbling softly to himself.

Daniel looked up, and the entire class was looking at him. Daniel suddenly felt sick to his stomach, running out of the classroom as quickly as he could, not bothering to grab his stuff.

~*~

Daniel was heartsick.

His mom thought he might have the flu, but he knew that wasn’t why his throat hurt and he was constantly sick to his stomach and his head was pounding.

Every time he thought about Felix his entire body went into revolt. He would cry until it made him throw up, mind spiraling into wave after wave of _why doesn’t he love me_ or _I can change please just give me a chance._

But he knew changing who he was would just make it hurt worse, even if he did end up with Felix by some miracle.

“Go away.” He groaned miserably, shoving his head into his pillow as his door opened.

“Wow, Dani, no love for your best friend?” Felix teased quietly, and Daniel had to pinch his eyes shut to prevent another wave of tears.

Felix made his way over to sit on the edge of the bed, placing his hand on Daniel’s bicep, gently running his hand over the skin there. “Dani, what’s up? Your mom said you have the flu but if you were sick I would be too.”

Daniel shrugged Felix’s hand off of his arm. “Just leave me ‘lone,” He said into the pillow.

“You must not feel too well… Daniel what’s going on,” Felix said, worry clear in his voice. “You’re not telling me something, don’t act like you’re not, I know you. You know you can tell me anything. I love you and-”

“No, you don’t!” He yelled angrily, moving off of the bed and throwing the pillow he had been grasping into the corner. “You don’t love me for fuck's sake just stop _saying that._ It’s like you know it hurts me and you just say it when you know it’ll twist the knife in deeper.”

Felix’s eyes started to water as his mouth opened and closed in shock. “I… Dani why would you say that.”

“Why would I- God Felix are you that dumb and unaware?!” Daniel couldn’t stop yelling, years of frustration making its way through his lips and out into the open. “You really don’t get it? Unbelievable, un-fucking-believable.” Daniel picked the pillow up and screamed into it, he couldn’t think of anything else to do, falling to his knees and screaming and sobbing into the pillow. He was so _tired._ He was so tired it hurt and seeing Felix made everything hurt worse.

Felix didn’t know what to do, standing up he noticed he was shaking, he was stuck in the space equidistant from the door and Daniel. “Daniel… Dani I…” He was breathless. What was Daniel even saying, that he didn’t believe that Felix loved his best friend?

Felix shook as he noticed the ‘brothers’ bracelet in a random corner, next to a picture that had Felix with his lips against Daniel’s cheek, taken last summer at the water park the three had gone to. Ryn had taken the picture so they could have a special picture. It clicked a second too late, a year too late, maybe several years too late.

“Daniel please, look at me.”

“No, just… please leave. It’s fine, you don’t have to explain yourself.” Daniel looked up, eye broken like the entire world had shattered, and Felix realized with a sinking feeling that maybe it had.

“Please, go, I never expected you to stick around after you found out, just go.”

Felix felt his heart shatter. “I… I’ll see you at school Monday.”

~*~

Felix and Ryn didn’t see Daniel on Monday.

Well, no, in passing they could see their friend. With his head down and eyes red. The two could also see he was avoiding them, so Ryn managed to convince Felix to let Daniel have his space.

No one else bothered to talk to Daniel, they talked about him though, maybe his parents finally kicked their disgrace of a son out of the house. Maybe he’d been diagnosed with some terrible disease, and only had days to live. But not even the usual bullies bothered to try to get a reaction from Daniel, one look into his broken brown eyes and they would just shake their head sadly and walk away.

~*~

“You knew didn’t you?” Felix asked softly.

The two were at Ryn’s house, they were supposed to be studying for their history test, but they ended up with Ryn sitting against the wall with Felix’s head in her lap.

“Yeah, baby I did,” Ryn said as she pets Felix’s hair away from his face.

“How come no one thought to tell _me_ my best friend was in love with me? We could have avoided losing our best friend for two weeks.” Felix said, hurt evident in his voice. “Also, We could have been together a while ago.”

Felix had none of his usual excitement as he said that, which was concerning in itself. Usually, you showed a bit of happiness when thinking of being in a relationship with his best friend. But the dead look accompanying the mood set off Ryn’s worst suspicions.

“Did your doctor switch your meds again?”

Felix nodded. “Yeah, I don’t think… I don’t think I’m going to take these ones again. I kinda feel like shit,” Felix yawned. “I should probably go, though.”

Ryn smiled softly. “Want a ride home?”

“No thanks, the walking will clear my head a bit, ya know?”

~*~

“Daniel! Open the door god damn it Felix is in the hospital!” Ryn pounded on the door, knowing that both of Daniel’s parents were at work she had no issue making some noise.

The door was opened at lightning speed after she said that, and Ryn shook her head when she saw him. Daniel looked worse than she expected, he looked like he’d lost weight, which he really couldn’t afford in the first place.

“Danny you look…” She shook her head, about to continue when Daniel cut her off.

“Why is Felix in the hospital, god damn it I knew I shouldn’t… fuck this is-”   
“Before you start blaming yourself,” She paused. “He had a bad reaction to the mood stabilizer his doctor put him on. It made him kinda loopy and drowsy and he passed out walking home.”

Daniel had a conflicted look of relief and concern cross his face. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

~*~

“I’m fine, guys I promise, they made me sweat it out and flushed it out of my system.” Felix chuckled softly, but his voice sounded tired, and he looked pale.

Daniel pet Felix’s hair away from his face. “I can tell they made you sweat it out, you feel like you went swimming in a lake of baking soda.”

Felix smiled up at his friend. “Yeah yeah.” He yawned. “I’m-”

“Sleep, we’ll be here when you wake up.”

~*~

“You’re zoning out again,” Daniel whispered to Felix, making sure not to startle the younger boy.

After a moment Felix began blinking, slowly at first then a bit quicker. “Hm?”

“There you are,” Daniel said softly.

Felix rolled over, smiling softly to Daniel. “I didn’t think you’d…”

“Be here? Felix, I’m disastrously in love with you,” Daniel said, shaking his head a bit sadly. “I…”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I-”

“You’re here in a hospital bed,” Daniel shook his head again, unbelieving this time. “You don’t get to be sorry unless it’s for scaring the shit out of me.”

Felix blushed but glared playfully, “Yes I completely meant to pass out on the side of the road, how else was I supposed to get your attention?”

Daniel just looked at Felix fondly. “I’m sorry for avoiding you. I just… I never meant for you to find out.”

“You mean that way.” Felix clarified.

“I mean at all. I just… I knew it would make a mess of things if you found out and I didn’t want to lose you.”

Felix took Daniel’s hand in his own. “Hey, If I hadn’t found out how would I be able to tell you that I love you too.”

“I know you love me. And I didn’t mean too… I know you love me and I shouldn’t have freaked out cuz you don’t love me like I loved you.”

Felix chuckled softly. “Dani.”

And _god_ the way Felix said his name sent chills down his spine.

“Dani I don’t mean like friends or brothers. Daniel, _I love you._ ”

Daniel blinked for a moment. “Wait… what?”   
“My god you’re supposed to be the smart one.” Felix teased quietly. “Can I show you what I mean?”

Daniel swallowed nervously, this was starting to play out like one of his dreams. His hands shook as he nodded.

“Words, Dani, not going to do anything if I don’t hear you say it’s alright.”

“Please.” He mumbled quietly. He held the tears back the best he could. He was terrified that this would all turn out to be a dream, that he’d wake up cold and alone _again._

His eyes fell shut as Felix’s lips touched his own, lightly, if it weren’t for the warmth of Felix’s nervous huffs of breath on his lips he’d deny feeling anything.

But then Felix’s lips were on his, and _holy shit_ this couldn’t be a dream. Felix’s lips were warm and slightly wet from worrying his bottom lip. But god Daniel couldn’t imagine anything like this. Felix’s hand threaded itself into Daniel’s soft blonde locks.

“I _love_ you,” Felix whispered against Daniel’s lips, before connecting them once more.

The kiss wasn’t much. In itself, their lips were just touching, moving ever so slightly.

Felix pulled back, keeping his hand in Daniel’s hair.

Daniel didn’t open his eyes right away, or even a full minute later. Felix made a face of confusion before asking jokingly, “Did you fall asleep on me?”

Daniel giggled a bit, and Felix felt his heart swell a bit. “No, I just… I don’t want to open my eyes. This is… Usually, at this point, I wake up and you’re gone and I’m alone.”

Felix smiled fondly, “Baby I’ll be right here when you open your eyes. Come on, let me see those brown eyes.”

“Can I ask you something first?” Daniel asked softly. If this was a dream he would milk it out as long as possible.

Felix smiled fondly. “Go ahead, Dani.”

“Why…” He took a deep breath. “How didn’t you _notice_. I just… I’ve been in love with you since I was 14. I’m not the most subtle person in the world, and I didn’t even know you liked guys.”

Felix hummed, free hand moving down to take Daniel’s. “Well, for starters may I say you look very silly, sitting here with your eyes closed.” Daniel stuck his tongue out at that. “Two, I just love people. Three, I just, I guess I just didn’t notice. You never, usually when people like me they’re kinda rude about it. Sharp around the corners, you remember how Bella was.” Both boys shuddered at that. “You never treated me any differently than you did on day one.”

“Well, you were with Bella around the time I started… catching feelings for you. But she cheated on you? I don’t know, you kinda just seemed so broken. You didn’t need your best friend casually mentioning, ‘Hey, I’m in love with you and dream about kissing you at least twice a week.” Daniel squeezed Felix’s hand. “I couldn’t lose you, so I stayed quiet?”

Felix bit his lip. “Then why did you push me away?”

Daniel’s smile fell. “I kind of fell into a weird state of mind. I just… I kept hearing a voice in my mind tearing me down. Every time I’d start to feel better I’d hear it tell me that you didn’t like me because I was ugly because I was too dumb for you that I was too feminine and -”

“Sweetheart, I am the last person who gets to judge on femininity,” Felix said, chuckling sadly. “You… Daniel, you are brilliant and beautiful and absolutely perfect exactly how you are. I have always loved you, maybe… maybe I needed the kick in the ass to figure it out, but I have for a minute, the time apart really put things into focus for me. Now please, open your eyes.”

Daniel bit his bottom lip, slowly blinking his eyes open. His eyes took a moment to focus, but when they did he was staring into the brightest green eyes he’d ever hope to see.

“There are those beautiful brown eyes,” Felix smiled, throwing his arms around Daniel.

Daniel held his best friend in his arms, nuzzling into the crook of Felix’s neck.

“If you’re not asking me out after this ordeal I’m canceling the rest of my life.” Felix teased.

“Always with the dramatics, huh Lexi?” Daniel grinned, pulling away to look into Felix’s eyes. “Would you like to be my beautiful perfect amazing boyfriend for as long as we last. And promise if we don’t last we will always, always be best friends.”

Felix held his pinky out, smiling when the older boy locked the promise. “I would love to.”

~*~

Daniel still had the dream sometimes, but it was different now. Now each missed moment was made up for by running tackle hugs in the hallway. Each negative thought was countered with a kiss and a million sweet words.

Felix went out for cheerleading, which ended up being a completely different story in itself but the boys were happy together.

And if you asked the boys’ parents if they really loved each other, this is what you’d hear:

Felix’s mother would smile, slightly misty-eyed and say, “I wish I had a love as real as theirs.”

“You’ll never find to people who love each other more honestly than Daniel and Felix love each other.” Daniel’s father would say, before going back to cooking dinner.

“They’re open with each other,” Daniel’s mother would say, looking up from her book. “Not a secret exists between the two, and if that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.”

And if you asked a stranger if these two boys could really be in love, they’d say something about how at that age, only lust can exist. But then they’d see the way Felix lights up the moment Daniel enters the room, or see the tension melt away from Daniel’s body as Felix takes his hand, Felix being none the wiser about the comfort he’s providing his boyfriend. They’d hear the hushed whispers spoken when they think no one is listening, a soft _I love you_ passed between the two in the quiet moments. And even the stranger would be able to see how much love these two young men held in their hearts for the other.

And if you asked the Felix and Daniel about their love, they’d just shake their heads and smile, walking away hand in hand, because they didn’t have to reason their love, as long as the other knew it exists.

 

~End~

**Author's Note:**

> So you got past my first author's note, thank you. There will be more posted here but probably not often, I don't write like this very often so if you're okay with patience I'd love to give you more content to enjoy
> 
> ~Love Jem


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